Farm Fresh Blog

Over the years I've discovered that dogs recognize members of their own breed.  They speak the same language.  They play the same games.  Belgians play a distinctive "wolf & the sheep" game that other breeds don't necessarily understand. 

"I am the wolf. You are the sheep."

They play this for a while and then the roles are reversed.  It's fast. It's loud. It sounds like a dog fight.  It's great fun for everyone. Since Ice lost her brother, Kona, in June, there has been no one to play "reindeer games" with her. Until now. . .

I cheerfully announced that she and I were going over to Grandma's to meet her new little brother. 

Ice said, "Oh dear God, it's not another Border Collie, is it?" 

"No! It's a two year old Belgian Tervuren.  Just for YOU!  You can play with him. And Lord it over him. And impress him with your Greatness!"

She allowed as how this DID have possibilities, so we went next door to G'ma's house. Stone was simply delighted to meet her. He dropped down into a play bow and spun around the room.  Her ears touched and she pulled herself up on her tip toes to impress upon him that she was certainly the most exotic and queenly creature he had ever, or would ever, meet in his life.  He was most impressed with her royal self.

 He zoomed.

And they played a bit.

He checked back with Mom from time to time.

And got hugs. . .  

 before running off . . .

. . . to play some more.

 Ice settled down in the leaves.

And while she watched him run, I couldn't help but wonder . . .

. . . if she missed her brother as much as I did.

"Preludes Kona Winds" - Cadaver Dog & Best Buddy (2002-2010)

              I'm toast!

Christmas arrived early for my mother!  Santa Claus (Lynne Foster!) drove all the way from Illinois to deliver CH M.A.J.I.C.'s It's A Family Affair (call name: Stone) to his new mommy in Texas!

  It's a win-win situation for everyone!

Lynne and his breeder, Melody Jensen, know that Stone will receive a forever home where he gets to be the ONLY dog of a retired person who already has experience with Belgians. Stone gets his own Special Person. My mom gets the companion that she needs.  And neither of them will ever be alone again.

Thank you so much Melody Jensen of M.A.J.I.C. Belgian Tervuren & Groenendael and Lynne Foster of Frostfire Dalmatians for making this possible! And God bless Lynne for making that marathon drive across the country to make someone's wish come true!

To read about why Mom was alone:  Godspeed, Penny

To read More about people like Stone's breeder, Melody Jensen:  The Unsung Heroes

There is one big reason why a certain grandpa . . .

 . . . who only got four hours sleep last night,

. . .  bounced out of bed . . .

 . . . . to drive to The Big City . . .

Do . . .     

 . . . you . . .

. . . have any idea . . .

. . . why?

     Unlike what the media hype would have us believe, Thanksgiving is about more than the Black Friday Sales which will launch an Oklahoma Land Rush of shoppers armed with credit cards and holiday spirit.  Thanksgiving is about giving thanks for the things you already have - family, friends, health, and hope.

     This media-hype away from giving thanks isn't something new. When I was a kid it struck my childlike brain as odd that the high point of the Thanksgiving Day parade was the arrival of Santa Claus. That was over thirty years ago, and it hasn't gotten any better. Now it seems that the high point of Thanksgiving is actually the big sale after the holiday.  How sad. . .

     But it doesn't have to be that way. You can change things. A forest fire starts with a single spark. Just take a quiet moment, away from the madness of Butterballs and shopping malls, to thank God for what you already have . . .

DeEr LoRd,

tHanK Ewe fOr aWl mY fAmiLy N FrIEndz, FuRRy N nOt. tHank Ewe for mY puPPy choW, n mY shEEp, n mY toYz, n mOmmY, n DaDDy, n G'Ma. tHank Ewe cuz iM heaLthee n caN rUn fAsT. tHank Ewe tHat mOmmy n DaDDy haf joBs 2 puT puPPy chow on thA taBle . . .

"Don't forget the pig ears!"

"OOOh! N tHanK Ewe fOr awl tha pIg Eears!"

I stepped out my back door to find this:

This is what happens when you leave a roll of blue garage paper towels out.

It wasn't a mystery who did it . . .

AND . . .

They are a team, the Usual Suspects . . . .

(I think "mentally", they are the same age.)

The mystery was not WHO vandalized the back yard.  The big mystery was HOW paper towels and the core ended up . . .

 . . . in the outside kennel with Oli!

                  "Should I call my lawyer?"

Now before you people with old dogs start feeling all smug because your yard and property haven't been trashed lately, let me show you this:

This mess was all over my kitchen counter.

I stepped into the house and was momentarily dumbfounded.  What tha?!! My first thought was to blame Other Half for the mess.  (A woman immediately jumps to this conclusion first!) But I remembered that Other Half was not home. 

Then I looked closer . . .

AHHHHH . . . this was not mud smeared all over the counter!  It was GREASE!

I had left a pan of grease and Lipton Onion Soup cooling on the stove so that I could pour it over the dogs' food. 

But who?!!!  The Usual Suspects had been outside with me.  So who?

 . . .  who indeed!

There is a suspect . . a suspect who is as old as Methuselah.  A suspect so old that her tumors have tumors.  Half blind, like Gollum in the Lord Of The Rings, she slinks about in the darkness, and people forget she's there . . .

. . . a suspect so intelligent that despite her age, she can use a kitchen chair to climb onto the stove . . . 

             and      . . . .

                                          . . .  help herself to an early supper.

  Alice in her favorite barn chair

           "What?"

So to all you people who thought your dogs had outgrown making a mess . . .

Think again!

There reaches a point where they are so old that they KNOW nothing will really happen to them.

 "Oh pu-lease! 

 What are you gonna do? Hit me? Pu-lease! We both know better than that.  Hey! Go easy on the Onion Soup next time.  It was a little salty." 

     Some days you tackle the farm, and some days the farm tackles you. Today was a big WWF Smackdown on me. Perhaps I'm just hormonal. You just shouldn't work livestock and water hoses when you're hormonal. I had some yearling rams that needed to be moved. Now common sense would tell you to wait until Other Half or Dear Friend could help, but NO!  I was PMSing and it needed to be done NOW!  So here's how it went:

Lock up everyone but Lily. Start to separate sheep.  The constant barking in the dog pens has me thinking about handguns. Snarl at the Main Barker.  Ice is offended that I would speak to her in this manner and shuts up.  But barking resumes as soon as I start working sheep again.  Thoughts of handguns dance like sugarplums in my head. Lily and I soon have the two young rams separated. (I know that lots of folks don't like them, but I LOVE my cheap wooden feedstore crook. It allows me to reach out and grab the one I want while Lily steps in to move everyone else off. It also allows me to hold onto his bucking little self when everyone leaves him.)  So my Clunky Crook, Lily, and I get the rams separated and begin to move them through the barn, into the back yard, and toward an opened gate that leads to more paddocks.

All is well until the rams decide that the open gate is waaaay to close to a kennel of Foosas.  (Ranger and Trace)  Note that the kennel is not that close, but if the rams see it as a problem, it's a problem.  Decide that it is easier to move the dogs than it is to convince the rams to move past the dogs.  Trace is beside himself watching Lily work.  ("Put ME in, Coach!  Put Me in!  Let me slip into my SuperSuit and I can work those rams too!")   Eegaads.  Not what I want.

So while Lily watches rams, I grab Trace and Ranger and throw them in house. Okay then.  Problem solved. Begin again. 

Rams decide that kennel which USED to contain Foosas is also too scary to walk past. Although I tell myself I have all the time in the world to do this, the idea of butchering these rams is looking better and better.  Lily is much more patient and continues to slowly move two flighty, moronic rams, who should probably be removed from the gene pool, around the back yard and towards the gate.  Her patience is rewarded and shortly they are through the back yard, through two small paddocks, and into their new Bachelor Pad Prison. God helps us. I know our style may look like a train wreck on a Sunday afternoon, but it gets the job done.

Safely in their new prison, the rams happily discover rye grass and wander off.  Now that the marble that is their brain has stopped rolling around and settled back into its hole, they have settled down too.

Look around and realize that they need fresh water and the hose which feeds their tank has a giant hole in it.  Probably because someone drove her truck across it. More water now sprays out the geyser than comes out the end of the hose. The hose must be replaced. Trudge to barn to find another hose. Drag old hose through barn, across yard, through dog poop, and into paddock. Replace geyser hose with ancient yellow hose.  Turn on spigot.  Note that Yellow Hose also produces a geyser.  Did I drive over every hose on the property?!

Since this geyser is not as large as the Green Hose Geyser, I approve hose just for today.  (which probably will mean that I won't get around to replacing it for months!)  Pull hose toward trough.  It is six feet too short. Lily is slightly confused at this round of cussing which does not involve sheep.  Walk back into house for a dose of Calm Down Juice - cup of coffee.

Exit house with coffee and re-examine length of hose.  No, it did not grow any longer while I was in the house. Perhaps I should have fertilized it.  Decide that if I pull it underneath the horse trailer instead of around the horse trailer, it "might" be able to reach to the trough.  Ponder how I'm gonna run the hose underneath the trailer without getting down on my knees and reaching under there.  Consider standing on one side and asking Lily to fetch the hose to me.  It has possibilities but then, how many additional holes do I want in the yellow hose?

Pull hose where I want it and discover that all I have to do is run it underneath the tongue of the trailer. FINALLY!  Things are working in our direction again.  Now the hose is only one foot short of the trough.  Decide that I can hold it while it fills the trough. YES!  We're on a roll!

And that's when Lily said to me, "Hmmm . . . look at that."

"Huh?"  I turned to look.

The rams who had been grazing in peaceful bliss were now perfectly upright, staring at a Foosa. This was confusing, since Lily was standing beside me.  Where was the Foosa?  Then I see him.

Apparently when I went into the house for coffee, Trace must have slithered his tiny little ass out behind me.  Eeegaaads!  A four month old puppy in a paddock with two yearling rams is a recipe for disaster.  So I call to him.  Deep in stalk mode, he barely glances out the corner of his eye, and says, "Sshush Mom!  I'm getting my groove on!"

I am now in deep Freak-Out mode as I watched my toddler neatly gather two rams and start walking them towards me.  (and I must say that despite my absolute hysteria, I was quite impressed too!)  He walked; they walked.  No running. No barking. Just smooth, deliberate stalking. And it was working for him. The problem I saw was that the sheep were walking away from Foosa A (Trace) toward me, but Foosa B (Lily) was standing in the shed beside me.  Quickly project that all will be well until the sheep discover Foosa B and run back over Foosa A. 

So I call Foosa A again.  (Why did I bother?)  He has on his Supersuit and he is in full Superhero mode.  No running. No barking. Just slowly creeping the sheep in my direction. So I put Lily on a stay and walk out of the shed.  The rams decide that on second thought, perhaps they DON'T want to go into the shed and turn to move away from me.  Foosa A then moves his tiny ass around to cut them off, and heads them back toward me again.  (Holy crap! What a good boy!)  This time they move into the shed.  I let them pass me, and as he slithers past, I grab up his bratty butt. 

It is pointless to scold him.  It was my fault that he got into the pen in the first place, and he's proud of himself for gathering the sheep.  Despite the fact that I saw his life and working career flash before my eyes, I'm proud of him too.  Lily is not nearly as impressed. 

Then I whisk him back into the house where he belongs and pack his Supersuit away for another year until he is ready to be a real stockdog.  (and count my additional gray hairs)

Do other people live like this?

          ( I'm just askin' . . . .)

I keep an exercise pen beside my back door. All boots and shoes are placed in the pen immediately upon removal from your feet.

If they are not placed in the pen . . .

. . . this is what they will look like.

Sad, isn't it?

One is tempted, when one steps in the back door . . .

 . . . . to kick off one's boots and set them against the wall beside one's sorting stick

But that would be a mistake.

So let's re-cap!

       Boots in the pen!

Boots outta tha pen!  

One would also be tempted to place the blame . . . .

. . . . solidly on the shoulders of this little suspect.

 "Who me?"

But that would be an incorrect assumption.

(This is the suspect responsible for cramming his head through the door and scaring the sheep when you are wondering why they won't move in that direction.)

So no, the little red monster is not The Boot Bandit!

The title goes to this clown . . .

 "Who me?"

For some reason, this goofball developed a taste for rubber boots during last winter's rains. It would appear that he hasn't lost that appetite . . .

So I ask you again, do other people live like this?

Milli Ann sent me a story that had me blowing Pepsi out my nose at work.  (This can be slightly disturbing to people in the cubicle beside you . . . and it burns your nose . . . I'm just saying . . . .)

I immediately contacted Jane, the writer, and begged her to let me share it with you.  If you love the adventures of my little red demon, Ruffy, you will thoroughly enjoy Mr. Chips!

You can't fix stupid, or so I've been told.  God, I hope they can fix stupid, because if not, I'm in trouble.  You see, I had a major attack of The Stupid today.

Because I had been feeling out of sorts, I decided to take the day off, lay in bed, and read a book.  BUT . . . then I remembered that I needed Goat Food. (SEE!  It all comes down to GOATS AGAIN!) So this afternoon I tossed the dogs off me, and hauled my butt out of bed.  Lily The Border Collie and I loaded up in my Monster Truck (I LOVE my Monster Truck!) and off to the feed store we went. That's when I noticed I had no gas.

So I headed to the gas station. I pulled up to the pump that I ALWAYS use, swiped my credit card, and pumped $62 worth of gas into that sucker while Lily and I chatted about herding lessons. (I was NOT on the phone!)

The pump clicked off. Lily pointed at the $62 total and gasped.  I KNOW! Eegaads! My 4Runner only guzzles up about $28! You see, I bounce between two trucks.  The 4Runner is my putt-putt car for running back and forth to work. Monsta Truck is my farm truck.

So Monsta, Lily and I headed to the feed store. A few minutes later we were loaded up with feed and headed towards home.  And that's when life went to Hell In A Handbasket. It started with a knocking in the engine.  Then I noticed the blue smoke.  "Holy Shit!"  (I said that, not Lily.)

I pulled into a parking lot and called Other Half - who didn't answer his cell phone.  Then I called the house phone - no answer.  Then I called his cell phone again. Still no answer. Then I called Son - no answer.  Then I called Other Half's Guy Friends - NONE of them answered.  "Holy Shit!" (Lily said that - pardon her French.)

So I called one of my old partners who is a K9 officer now. I described the situation to him. 

"Leroy! (He calls me Leroy. It's a long story.)  Did you put gasoline in your diesel truck?!!"

"Holy Shit!"  (Lily and I both said that.)  I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Could I have done something so stupid?  I WAS deep in thought at the time.  (I was NOT on the phone!)  I DO have two vehicles that require two different kinds of fuel. I DO fill them both up at the SAME gas pump, but I'm usually careful to use the CORRECT nozzle . . . still . . . it was hard to deny that SOMETHING had caused the engine to knock and blue smoke to come out of the back.  (It wasn't looking good for Stupid.)

Then he informed me that he would be happy to come help me but he was working a scene and his patrol dog had just bitten someone. Oh . . . ok then! Since he was on-duty and at least an hour away, it never occurred to me that he'd even consider coming to get me, bless his heart. He is a Real Friend. (Remember this, a friend helps you move.  A Real Friend helps you move a body!) So I thanked him for his diagnosis of the problem. Then I asked him if it was covered under insurance and he said,

"I doubt it."

"What!  Why not?"

"Cuz Insurance don't cover Stupid!"

"But if I'd gotten drunk and driven in a ditch, they'd cover that!!!"

"But not if you filled the ditch up with water and then drove into it!"  (I didn't understand that statement at all.  It must be a Man Thing.)

Anyway, I let him go back to work and called Dear Friend Debbie.  (of Cornerstone Stables!  Remember Chase and Chazz?)

Dear Friend Debbie was most supportive.  She was on her way home from work and immediately called her husband (Dear Friend Doug!) who was also on his way home from work. (Note to self: Remember to get Dougie's cell phone number!)  Anyway, Dear Friend Debbie called Dear Friend Doug (who is her husband, Are y'all able to follow this?) and informed him that Stupid had put gasoline in a diesel truck.  (I'm sure she was more sympathetic than that.  Debbie is a sweetheart.)

Just as she was giving me the happy news that Dear Friend Doug was on his way to the rescue, Other Half called.  He did not say "Holy Shit."  In fact, because this is a family-friendly program, I cannot print what he said. He did ask me one question though.

"NO!  I was NOT ON THE PHONE!!!!"

So Dear Friend Debbie came to sit with me while we waited for the Men to rescue me.  (Eegaads!  How did I get in this situation?) Anyway, Dear Friend Debbie crawled into the passenger seat of Monsta Truck and Lily crawled into her lap. Lily, who is not a stranger to drama and cussing, realized that this was one particular Drama which couldn't use a Faithful Border Collie. So Dear Friend Debbie and I chit-chatted while we waited for The Boyz.

Other Half came in his patrol truck and Dear Friend Doug drove our Dually.  After it was positively established that yes, Stupid DID put gasoline in a diesel truck, the Boyz put a tow rope between the trucks and we started down the road.  Dear Friend Debbie was in front with her flashers on.  Dear Friend Doug was pulling Monsta with our Dually.  Lily and I sat in Monsta truck with white knuckles.  I had white knuckles because I had no power steering, no power brakes, and what seemed like about 4 feet of clearance between the grill of Monsta Truck and the tailgate of our Dually.  (Lily had white knuckles cuz all her feet are white anyway.) Other Half followed us with his emergency strobe lights on.

Because it was already dark and we were now in rush-hour traffic, it took us forever to get out of the parking lot and onto the roadway. We had just started rolling down the road when I heard something break.  "Holy Shit!"  (Lily and I both said that.)  The tow rope broke. (What Other Half said cannot be repeated.)

So we were now broken down ON THE ROADWAY!  And that's when I remembered that prayer might be a good idea in this situation.  Dear Friend Doug quickly put on another tow rope  (He was as fast as any Rodeo Cowboy with a calf.) Other Half was in the road with a flashlight, trying to stop traffic so Doug wouldn't get run over.  The problem was - the traffic WOULDN'T STOP!  These were commuters.  They were tired.  They were hungry.  (They were on cell phones.) And Other Half was beside himself with anger.  There was LOTS of cussing. I did lots of praying.  So did Lily.  (In fact, I'm sure I heard her say "Dear Lord, please watch over Daddy and Uncle Dougie, and Dear Lord, while I have you on the line, would you please make Mommy buy pig ears at the feed store next time.)

After much yelling, Other Half finally got the traffic stopped.  I kid you not, I saw one woman actually point at herself with a question mark. Me?  You want me to stop?  Me? (Yes YOU!)  She never got off her cell phone, but she stopped, and that stopped everyone else. Dear Friend Doug finished with the tow rope, climbed in the dually, and we were Back In Business!

So our unlikely parade rolled down the road - way too fast.  I could barely steer, I had little or no brakes, and I couldn't see because the windshield was all fogged up. I'm normally a calm person, but panic clawed at me like a cat getting a bath. I whipped out that cell phone (YES!  I WAS ON THE PHONE!) and called Dear Friend Debbie.  (because I forgot to get Doug's number before our little train left the station.) 

"MAKE HIM SLOW DOWN!  MAKE HIM SLOW DOWN!" I screamed into the phone.

And she did.  And the wet cat in my stomach calmed down a little.

It was still a long, white-knuckle trip home. When we finally reached the driveway, I leaped out to hug Dear Friend Doug!  Then I hugged Dear Friend Debbie! Then I hugged Other Half. And then . . . Other Half and Dear Friend Doug announced that they were going to get a sticker for the gas cap of my truck that reads: Sheri! Use Diesel Fuel Only!

I was not amused.  I KNOW it only takes diesel fuel, I'm not STUPID!  (And I WASN'T ON THE PHONE!!!)

And I'd like to take a moment to thank God for dear friends like Doug and Debbie who race to the aid of members of PWAPA. (People Who Aren't Paying Attention)  I am a card-carrying member of PWAPA, an ever-expanding group of busy women in their 40's and older who put the television remote in the refrigerator, put the milk on the washing machine, and put gasoline in a diesel truck. I encourage other members of PWAPA to step forward and let your voices be heard!

Proudly wave your membership cards at your husbands and repeat after me: 

"I was . . . NOT ON THE PHONE!"