Farm Fresh Blog

Sometimes Mom's new dog, Stone, looks over at our side of the fence.

  I can see his mind working . . .

Our side of the fence has sheep, and cows, and horses, and lots of other dogs.

I'll bet he wonders about life on this side of the fence.  But he always chooses . . .

 . . . his new mom!

 He seems . . .

. . .  pretty . . .                                           

                    . . . happy. . . 

 . . . with his choice!

There is something magical about little girls and horses.

My brother brought his family to the farm on Christmas Eve and once again, Ona proved that she is worth her (ample) weight in gold.  My nieces climbed aboard her broad back for pony rides. No one has been on Ona in months. No biggie.  This is Ona - The Golden Horse.  As long as Little Girls come bearing horse cookies, she will walk circles all day long.  She really is the perfect horse - so patient, so calm. Nothing much bothers Ona.

You can't put a price on a horse like this.

 . . . or smiles like this.

Ona is okay with walking large, patient circles, with anyone at the helm.

I didn't buy Ona for this.  I bought Ona to teach me how to drive.  And she is as calm and patient with big girls as she is with little girls. 

By the way . . .

. . . as far as we know . . .  

. . . . Ona has never been broke to ride.

(She is utterly clueless regarding leg aids. We believe she is just so calm that she doesn't mind passengers. Yep, a true Golden Girl. Nope, Ona is not for sale.)

"I didn't trade Trace the lamb for the pig ear. I like looking at my lamb. Mom says it's better than television."

"I like watchin' her play."

 "She runs . . . "

". . . and she bounces."

 "Trace likes watchin' her too, but I don't think it's the same. He says he'll trade me a pig ear, a Milk Bone, aaaand his stuffed chipmunk for her."

"No deal."

"Trace's chipmunk doesn't even have a tail!"

"Santa Paws came! I missed him! I missed him!"

We stayed up real late. We waited and we waited . . . and we watched. . .

. . . and we listened . . .

Oli promised that she wouldn't eat Santa Paws.

Cowboy promised he wouldn't chase the reindeer.

This is Trace's first Christmas, so he was real excited.

It's my first Christmas too! I was gonna stay up all night long . . .

. . . but I got sidetracked looking for Jesus and . . .

. . . and I fell asleep!

I missed him!  I missed him!  

But look what he left!

 . . . and this!

We got a new baby lamb!!!!

(Trace and I are still arguing over who gets the baby lamb . . . He said he'd trade me a pig ear for it.)

"Mom says that Santa Paws is coming tonight!"

"I'm gonna stay up all night long to wait for him!"

Mom says this is a Holy Night cuz Baby Jesus was born tonight.  Mom says it's okay that they won't let me go to church b'cuz I already live in the most Holy of places . . .  . I live in a stable. If it was good enough for Baby Jesus, it's good enough for me!

"Mom says Jesus can see everything we do. Mom says Jesus sees us when I chase the cat.  And He sees us when Lily bites the barn boards. And He sees us when Trace poops in the house. And she said that Jesus tells Santa Paws if we've been bad or good." 

"I wonder where he sits so he can see all those things."

"Maybe he's in here."    

 "That would not be good."

"It's gonna be a long night."

            "Here Trace!"

"Atta Boy!  Hop up here!"

(The Unsuspecting Victim)   

"Look what Daddy has for you!"

("Run, Trace, run!")

    "Now hold still, Little Buddy."

"You're kiddin', right?"     

"I'm fixin' to let him go! Get the picture now! Quick!" 

(Unlike bullriding, the sport of Santa Hat Photography rarely allows you 8 full seconds.)

"Here Lily!"

"Oh Come'on, Lil!  Be a sport! Come 'ere!"

 "Give us a smile for Santa!"

"Yeah, yeah . . . Fa la la la la, and all that crap . . ."

"Okay Lil, that's a take!"

"You realize that y'all need therapy, right?" 

As a crime scene investigator, I go into a lot of homes, and I have always said that you can learn a lot about people by looking at their bookshelf. But you can also learn a great deal about people by looking at their Christmas trees.  Some people have "theme" trees. Some have trees so ornate they compete with department stores. And some people, like us, have Christmas trees that serve as "Way Back Machines." 

Over the years you collect ornaments, some fancy, some plain, but each evokes a memory.  We have two trees.  Other Half likes a large tree in the living room, (where Cowboy is delighted to discover that he now has an indoor restroom!), and I like a rosemary tree on the kitchen table, (where my porcelain ornaments are safe from the dogs!)  Each tree has memories.  His family has a Christmas tree lot, and so his big tree always comes from that lot. It is decorated with old ornaments and treasures the kids made (up high, so Cowboy doesn't pee on them!)

The kitchen tree tends to be more animal-oriented. Go figure . . .

. . .  a little heavy on the horses!

 "The First Noel"

Some ornament hold more memories than others.  Years ago, I bought two Belgian Tervuren ornaments at a dog show.

Is this not cute or what!  

It was Kona's first Christmas and he climbed up onto the kitchen table to help himself to the Christmas tree. He mangled this ornament.  The little angel puppy hanging on the star no longer had ears, his halo was crooked, and his wings kept falling off.

 Instead of having a fit, I put it back on the tree and told myself that this ornament would always remind me of Kona's first Christmas.

He was such a clever little guy.

 And he grew to become a good working partner.  I had no idea he would only have eight Christmas trees.  Now I am so glad that I kept that silly broken ornament . . . for it will always remind me of Kona's first Christmas.

And now he is my angel with the crooked halo and the fallen wings . . . 

 What memories does your "Way Back Machine" take you back to?

Fleece Navidad, Everyone!

Last night we took the kids and the grandbaby on an adventure that would have made the Griswald's proud! Santa's Wonderland is an outdoor playground that boasts 2.5 million Christmas lights. None of us had ever been before, and it was well worth the trip! We took a horse-drawn carriage ride along our lighted journey.   

  A certain Someone was more impressed with the free bag of kettle corn than she was with the lights.

Sparky, our horse, followed the path of cars along the cascade of lights. 

And lest anyone forget . . .

After the tour Sparky got a well-needed drink.

(Note that Lilah has not let go of that bag of kettle corn!)

"Hang on!  That horse is lookin' at my kettle corn!"

After the tour, we went into Santa Town which had everything your little Christmas Heart could desire! They had a cool band that sang Country Christmas songs and hymns.  It was nice to see that in the age of political correctness, the entire theme park wished everyone a Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays, and no one was shy about putting the religion back in a religious holiday!

And shopping!  There was lots of shopping!  (I want extra-credit for being an adult and buying a bar of goat milk soap instead of fudge!)

I resisted buying this.  It was hard though!

 They actually had REAL campfires where you could roast hotdogs and marshmallows!

The Lilah Bean's favorite part was still the kettle corn! Her daddy plopped her down in a bale of hay where she happily munched and watched the world around her.  (Note: "The Christmas Story" with Ralphie and the Red Rider BB Gun playing on a large screen in the background!) 

Yes, "God Bless Texas!"

It was a wonderful evening, perfect for building memories. Will she remember Sparky, her taxi cab horse? Probably not?  Will she remember her daddy putting Grandpa's cowboy hat on her head?  I doubt it?  Will she remember the beautifully done Nativity scene?  Certainly not!  What will she remember?

Kettle Corn!!!

Note: They also had a REALLY neat petting zoo with pony rides! Why do we have no pictures of The Lilah Bean at the petting zoo?  Because her daddy took one look at the cost per person and wisely announced that Grandpa had EVERY ONE of those pettable critters at our house and The Lilah Bean could wait until Christmas Eve where she could pet the animals for free.  (I did argue that we did not have a camel, but he pointed out that the camel was not part of the petting zoo. Touche')  The Lilah Bean was unconcerned about the Petting Zoo anyway.  She was still working on the kettle corn.

There is a popular candy bar commercial on the air now that never fails to crack me up. Here's a quick re-cap for anyone without a television set: A guy is in the back seat of a car with Aretha Franklin. He accuses the Diva of being "a diva" when he's hungry and offers him a candy bar. Immediately Aretha Franklin becomes a man eating a candy bar. With some food, his buddy is no longer a Diva. That's when the camera pans to a grumpy Liza Minelli in the front seat. Moral of our commercial: people become grumpy divas when they're hungry.  www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLrsCnBvQFo

That said, Other Half and I went Christmas shopping today. And we were both hungry, thus, you had Liza Minelli and Aretha Franklin in the car together.  It wasn't pretty.

The Divas
Wake up in a good mood.  Swill down enough caffeine to wake up a dead mule. Discuss plans for the day. Note that we have a busy day planned and Other Half is piddling.  Suggest that perhaps our time would be better spent if we split up and he did his chores, and I did my chores.  Aretha Franklin vetos that.  Okay then.  Go feed sheep, horses, and young heifers.  Note that Ruffy, the Evil Red Miniature Horse does not come in for breakfast. 

Begin to really worry until Other Half points out that Ruffy is in the rye grass pasture where he DOES NOT BELONG! Other Half also points out that the heifers have also done the limbo through the fence and have also been dining at the Rye Grass Buffet. This is a disaster. They have reduced an entire pasture of rye grass to nothing. The grass is so short now that it looks like I've turned the sheep on it.  That's about when Liza Minelli entered the picture. Aretha Franklin assures Liza Minelli that since he is off work all next week, he could put up an electric fence to keep Evil Ruffy and The Evil Heifers from slithering into the winter groceries.  Liza Minelli is satisfied and soon Liza and Aretha Franklin are en route to Yuppy Land to shop for Christmas presents with every Homicidal-Soccer-Mom-Slurping-Starbucks-Coffee-Behind-The-Wheel-Of-A-Lexus-In-Three-Counties.  Since Aretha & Liza are Hungry-Divas-who-rarely-shop-at-any-place-other-than-The-Feedstore-and-Tractor-Supply, it was a bad combination.

First, Aretha & Liza have to drive the Toyota 4Runner because they don't want the Ford trucks stolen while In The City. Liza drives the 4Runner to work every day, but Aretha does not like to drive the 4Runner because it is small and not manly enough for a Diva like himself. Aretha has forgotten his gun and must borrow one from Liza.  He has forgotten both his gun and his holster, thus he must wear a very cold gun in the back of his pants.  Liza notes that even with his shirt tail out, it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out that Aretha Franklin has a gun in his pants.  Liza decides against pointing it out because it simply isn't worth the fight. So Aretha & Liza step into the parking lot of the First Store along their journey.

Both Divas are almost run down by Soccer Moms Slurping Starbucks. Surviving that, they step inside the Book Store to find that it is a Madhouse.  Liza has consumed so much coffee that she sends Aretha in search of a Border Collie Engagement Calendar while she rushes to the restroom.  Certainly her mood will improve with an empty bladder.  Don't bet on it!  Minutes later, Liza heads out in search of Aretha.  Finds Aretha in the calendar section deeping engaged in a calendar about Suicidal Bunnies.  (Do what?  WTF??)  It must be a Guy Thing because despite Aretha's repeated attempts to interest Liza in Suicidal Bunnies, Liza is only interested in Border Collies, sunflowers, and the Lavender Fields Of Provence. Aretha has no interest in these things. Liza looks at watch.  The Divas have been shopping for almost an hour and have only found things for themselves.  (But no Border Collie Engagement calendars!)  

Aretha points out that despite the fact that they are only at Place One of the Three Destinations they have planned for today, The Divas have piddled around so long that they no longer have time to go to Destinations Two & Three because he must return home to meet man who is supposed to buy one of the old farm trucks.  (Note: this man has stood us up three times already!) Liza points out that she cautioned Aretha about piddling BEFORE the Divas left the house this morning.  Aretha doesn't want to hear it.  Liza is hungry.  Liza is VERY HUNGRY!  Liza sees a box of Godiva Chocolates.  Liza wants.  Liza gets.  Liza throws credit card at cashier.  It is now 3:30 PM and The Divas have purchased only one Christmas present.

While walking to 4Runner, Liza & Aretha are almost run over by Soccer Moms in the parking lot. Once safely in vehicle, Liza pops out a knife and demands Godiva Chocolate.  Aretha informs her that she cannot eat chocolate because she has had no food and needs REAL food instead.  Liza demands chocolate. NOW!  Liza has a knife . . .  and a gun. Aretha gives Liza the chocolate.  Liza slices into box and pops a truffle in her mouth.  MMMMmmmm . . . Then Liza tells Aretha that the Godiva Chocolate cost $18.  Aretha screams. 

Aretha then does mental math and asks Liza if she knows how many Butterfingers could have been purchased for $18.  Liza pops another truffle in her mouth.

Fortified with chocolate, Liza finally notes that Aretha is becoming a Bitchy Bear. Since Liza is only one centimeter past Bitchy Bear herself, Liza announces that this vehicle will be going to the first Fast Food restaurant that The Divas pass.  But . . . first they must get out of a parking lot filled with Holiday Shoppers. 

Every exit is packed.  Aretha suggests going to an exit behind the stores.  Liza argues that no such exit exists and she refuses to get out of line to search for this Mythical Exit.  Aretha and Liza scream at each other.  Liza wins because she has the wheel.  As they inch along, Aretha smugly points out the Mythical Exit at the other end of the parking lot.  Liza points out that she is armed.

The Divas go through a Wendy's Drive-Thru. Eight dollars later and the firearms are put back up. The Divas have wasted an entire day, threatening each other and countless unwitting Holiday Shoppers and they have only purchased one present . . . and THAT is why the rest of the presents will be purchased from The Feed Store!

As eventually happens to every devoted parent, Blue Heeler's child has grown up and left the nest.  Despite the perceptions of John Q. Public, Trace is not a Springer Spaniel mix.  He is a Border Collie.  Every gene in his little squirming body screams

 "Young Jedi, You are Border Collie!"

So young Trace has aligned himself with Border Collie.  He follows Lily everywhere. To a Kindergarten-Border-Collie Lily has the cool life of a Jedi-Border-Collie. And it sings to his genes.

 So he follows her . . .

. . .  everywhere.

Is Ranger upset that Trace has grown up

and moved out of the nest?

Not really.

I think keeping up with The Crocodile Hunter was pretty exhausting work.

(I can certainly relate!)

"Where was that Trouble?"

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