Farm Fresh Blog

He leered at me with a smile that was supposed to be charming but the charm was lost by the beads of urine on his nose.

I just wanted a walk. A simple walk. I live in a wild and beautiful place that rivals any state park, and yet I can't enjoy it on foot because of the damned animals. Not the wildlife. Oh no! There are copperheads, rattlesnakes, coyotes, bobcats, feral hogs, and at least one cougar, but am I worried about them?

Not in the least. No. I can't take a walk because of my own animals.

Hunting season officially opened this weekend, thus I have to lock up my young Livestock Guardian Dogs. They simply cannot grasp the idea of seasonal visitors who set up camp right along our fence line, and cook sausage and bacon, and all manner of delicious food. These are temporary neighbors who offer an exciting relief from the boring ho-hum daily grind of barking at buzzards, bobcats, and coyotes.

It is simply impossible to leave the dogs loose to guard the livestock without having at least one (Judge) abandon his post for a vacation with the neighbors, who thought he was cute at first, but since he:

1) crapped on their front porch
2) raided the garbage they left out
and
3) hiked his leg on their deer feeder

I'm sure he has more than worn out his welcome.

So the boys are in lockdown. The sheep have to be kept at the house, and the Boys have to be in pens or in the barn. That's a lot of confined energy. Since I'm fat, out of shape, (round is a shape) in need of exercise, I decided to start walking the boys on leash after chores. I'd have safe companions and they could burn a little steam.

Because the buck pen was sloppy due to rain, I'd left the bucks out last night with Briar. Instead of returning them to their pen this morning, I tossed them across the fence into the lease pasture where they could trim trees along the fence line when they finished breakfast.

After chores I leashed the Anatolians and headed out for my walk. Since the horses were still finishing up their breakfast at the gate, the plan was to slip out through the lease pasture, walk down the fence, and then slip back into our place from another gate. That was the plan. That didn't happen.

I opened the gate to walk through with the Anatolians and the spotted buck bulled his way past me to get into the yard with the sheep. He then proceeded to try to rape my ewes. I slammed the gate in the brown buck's face and turned to watch the chaos in the barn yard. It was like a pervert on a merry-go-round. Suave is not in the vocabulary of a billy goat.

I slammed the kennel door shut on confused Anatolians and raced off in pursuit of a spotted buck who couldn't understand why none of my ewes were interested in a relationship with a total stranger from another species, who landed on their backs like a child having a pillow fight while bouncing on a newly made bed. After several futile attempts to catch the bastard, I seriously considered shooting him. Seriously.

There was a gun in my back pocket, because, well, one never knows when a copperhead will rudely enter your morning. Shooting the buck was a dancing temptation in front of me. I own both his parents, so he can easily be replaced. A buck in full rut can be a nasty, obnoxious creature who pees on his face and tries to screw anything that will stand still. If I'd already bred him this season, I think I would have shot him right there in the yard as he knocked down my churro ewes. I was that mad.

It was time for a Border Collie. There is nothing like having a Border Collie grab a back leg to make even the most horny of bucks change his way of thinking. Lily penned the buck. I caught my breath, put the Border Collie back in the barn, and tried to start my walk again.

With leashes on the Anatolians, I started through the gate once more. The brown buck trotted toward me with a smile. I stomped past him. One does not want to encourage the attention of a billy goat. Especially a friendly one coated in urine.

"Hey, would you like a little company?"

"NO! Go away!"

Not quite as obnoxious as his son, Jethro, the brown buck, still wasn't going to put off by my rude behavior, so he opted to amble along behind the dogs. With a happy bobble, he followed us down the fence, his long ears swaying with each joyful step. We were taking a walk! Together! He was a happy camper.

Disgusted. I was not a happy camper. One cannot enjoy the smell of the forest with a billy goat in tow, particularly when the goat wants to rub his urine-soaked body against you.  We made it to the gate and the dogs and I slipped back through, leaving the buck to himself on the other side. Not to be discouraged, he called behind us,

"Hey! Hey! You guys go on ahead, I'll catch up with you as soon as I cross the hill and go around the pond. Don't worry. I'll catch up with you!"

I ignored him. His bell jangled in the distance as he sought a way to keep up with us. And true to his word, he joined us on the other side. The cattails around the pond parted to reveal his bright eyes. He reminded me of Joe Pesci in the Lethal Weapon movies.

"Hey! Hey guys! I found you! See? See? I told you. I told you I'd catch up!"

I growled and ignored him. We reached the fork and struck out north toward the creek. The buck stood at the fence and called.

"Hey! Hey! Uhm... there's a barbed wire fence in the way. I can't really go there. Well. Maybe I can. I guess I might can climb through the wire. Give me a second. Oh crap! That hurts. Well. Hang on. Wait. Don't go. I'm coming with. Wait!"

I left him.

Soon the forest was silent except for my boots squishing into the red mud and the bell ringing  on the dog's collar. That's when I rounded the bend to see the cattle coming through the creek in my direction. Nothing can ruin a walk with dogs faster than a cow trying to stomp your dog.

We shrank into the forest before they saw us. So much for my walk. I turned around and headed back home. Much to the relief of the billy goat pacing the fence, we emerged from the forest beside him. With his world now back in balance, Jethro bounced down the trail on the other side of the fence. I was still trying to salvage my walk in the opposite direction of the cows, when we ran into the horses.

Montoya stood in the road ahead of us. Delighted. What a pleasant surprise! Mom. Out here. In the middle of nowhere. Perhaps Mom has more breakfast with her.

Sigh. No. No close encounters with horses either. Like cows, the horses aren't big fans of dogs. I plowed forward and slipped through the gate into the lease pasture before the horses could get too close. No worries. They would just follow us down the fence. The cattle trailed behind the horses. Jethro was beside himself with pleasure. We had finally joined him again. As he walked with the dogs beside me, he would stop and look back over his shoulder with a coy grin.

"Hey! I'm cute. I'm sexy! Really. Don't you think I'm sexy?"

I slapped the end of the leash across his ass. "Get out of my way, you stupid goat!"

"Ooooh! S & M! Okay! Not really my thing, but I'm game. I can play that if you want!"

I ignored him and stomped off. He angled in front of me, but then had second thoughts.

"Where's your little black and white dog?"

I ignored him.

"She's not here, is she? Ahhhh . . . she's NOT HERE, is she?" He leered at me.

I put an Anatolian Shepherd between us and kept walking. The buck stopped to pee on his face and then trotted to catch up with us.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Food Lady! Wanna screw!"

"Go $#@! yourself."

"Already done that!"

He leered at me with a smile that was supposed to be charming but the charm was lost by the beads of urine on his nose. I walked faster and made mental note to never again leave the house without a Border Collie. So there we were. What should have been a peaceful walk was instead a barnyard parade. I was flanked in the protective custody of two Anatolians while a horny billy goat leered at me,  four horses followed us down the fence line, and cattle trailed along bringing up the rear.

The buck was clearly disappointed when we arrived at the barnyard gate and his walk was over. As I stuffed the Anatolians back into the goat pen it was hard to ignore her stare tapping me on the shoulder. The Border Collie's eyebrow was arched across her forehead like Spock as she silently accused me.

Why do I fight it? Without a Border Collie there is chaos.  Why do I ever leave the house without a Border Collie to provide order and stability in this world?

No matter how bad your Monday was, you still didn't have to grab a bull by the penis. Or maybe you did, in which case I tip my hat to you, because you're probably a rancher in North Texas.

"I think that little yellow bull calf got bit on the pecker by a copperhead."

"Do what?"

"The end's all black and it looks like the tip is sloughing off."

It really takes more coffee to have a conversation like this. Aside from the monetary loss of another bull, I was really pretty fond of the little guy. His sire was a Charolais bull that belonged to a friend of ours. We bred that Charolais to an assortment of Braford heifers and each calf that hit the ground was really nice. Since we moved up here and no longer had access to that young bull, we opted to keep a bull calf from this year's crop.

I like to work with the 'heir and a spare' approach to breeding bulls since they're so important to a cattle operation. If something happens to your only bull, there is no calf crop, and around here, it's entirely possible to lose a bull to a freak accident. Since we moved the cattle to North Texas, we've lost three bulls already. One was lost to age and blindess. His loss was no surprise. Another jumped a barbed wire fence and hung his penis, thus moving him from breeding bull to auction barn, to Taco Bell. The other one somehow damaged his shoulder enough to become permanently lame, thus he ended up in our freezer.

So I stood in the kitchen gaping like a goldfish. And that's when I remembered. Like a drowning man grabbing a life preserver I snatched at that thought.

"Cockleburrs!"

"What?"

"Cockleburrs! I bet he has cockleburrs in his hair! That's probably the black stuff you see!"

Days earlier I'd spent thirty minutes picking cockleburrs out of the paint horse's mane and tail, so it was entirely possible that the bull calf had simply walked through the same field and collected burrs on his penis. Ouch.

Other Half penned the cattle up and a sure enough, rather than a nasty infection, our young lad just had a major owwie which could be treated with a pair of scissors. So while he sorted cattle, I hiked to the house for a pair of scissors. No, I will not be using them in the kitchen again.

Never trust a cow not to kick the crap out of you. Especially when you're holding his penis. In addition to the lovely calf crop he put on the ground this year, the thing I liked most about the Charolais bull we borrowed was his temperament. He was easy to handle. I named him Groceries. We kept him for a while, and I worked with him daily. Groceries was just a nice, sensible bull. And he produced nice, sensible calves.

When you're standing in the pasture, holding onto a bull's penis, you appreciate a good nature in a cow. I mean, really, how exactly does one explain those injuries to an ER doctor? On the other hand, an ER doctor in North Texas has probably heard that one before.

So I stand and tip my hand to Groceries for passing on a nice temperament to his calves. Son Of Groceries stood like a placid plowhorse for his 'manscaping,' and soon joined the herd where they admired his new Beach Boy Clip and fitted him for a Speedo.

I stood in the road with my gun drawn and yelled at him, "This is why I can't wear pretty sandals to church!"

The dusty boots on my feet gave an apologetic shrug.  I stepped out of the fired bullet casings that were scattered in the dirt, climbed back into the truck, and turned the key off. Without the roar of the diesel engine the forest stood in silence, waiting to see what I'd do next.

When I retired from police work, I thought I could actually be normal, but like an ill-fitting coat, normal just doesn't hang well on me. We moved to a beautiful ranching community, joined a traditional country church, and thought we'd slide into the roles of normal people. Be just like everyone else. Who was I kidding? Here I was supposed to be on my way to choir practice at the church, but instead I was standing in the road like Matt Dillon, waiting for my Other Half to bring me another gun.

There were more bullets in the gun I had, but it's a good rule of thumb to never empty your last gun. So instead I snatched up the phone, gave thanks that there was cell reception in this part of the dirt road driveway, and called the husband.

"I need you to bring me The Judge! I've got a rattlesnake in the road by the main gate."

"How big is he?"

"How big does he HAVE to be? It's a rattlesnake! He's small. About the size of a copperhead. I shot at him but he was moving so fast that I don't know if I hit him. He stopped in the weeds. Right now he and I are just looking at each other."

"Okay, on the way."

The Judge is a revolver that shoots .410 shotgun shells, thus greatly increasing your chances of hitting the target. It's tough to hit a fleeing snake with the .380 I had in my hand. Snakes tend to do that whole serpentine thing really quickly, because, well, you're shooting at them. Bullets whizzing into the ground tend to speed up a snake, but this one had reached the safety of the weeds and stopped. I quit shooting because I lost sight of him. So there I was, in my dusty boots, standing by the weeds, looking for a snake. Rattlesnakes take that camouflage thing to a whole new level. You can be shooting at one that's running across a gravel road and the minute he reaches the weeds it's like he activates a cloaking device and poof!

He's gone.

Except that he isn't.

And you're standing in the tall weeds with a rattlesnake. That you can't see.

I finally located the black and white stripes on his tail and worked my way up to the whole snake. He was looking at me. Trying to decide whether or not to fight or run for it. I backed up into the roadway and waited. If he tried to run then I could take the chance and waste bullets but otherwise, it was easier to wait for The Judge.

While waiting I texted the pastor:

"Running late to choir practice. Killing a rattlesnake."

Even as I typed the words, the irony struck me. Nope. Still not normal. Normal people drive past rattlesnakes. They do not stop the truck and do battle. If they happen to shoot and miss, they certainly do not follow said snake into the brush and call for reinforcements. And if they do the above, they definitely do not advertise their special brand of crazy by texting the pastor.

But I was gonna late. And I'd just joined the choir. Being late might give people the impression that I didn't care. And these people don't yet know I'm crazy. They think I'm normal. On the other hand, after that text, I'd say they figured it out.

So I stood in the road in sturdy boots instead of sandals because running into poisonous snakes at the gate was not a new thing for me. You can be fashionable or you can be prepared, but you cannot be both.

A low hum in the distance assured me the wait was over. The gravel crunched beneath his tires as Other Half rolled to a stop and carefully stepped out of the mule. Since possession is 9/10ths of the law, and he had the gun in his hand, there wasn't much argument about who got to shoot the rattlesnake. We've killed 14 copperheads by the house this summer. There are plenty of snakes to go around.

One dose of .410 shotgun shell and the rattlesnake had moved on to a greener patch of weeds. I kissed my Snake Soldier on the cheek, climbed back in the truck, and continued my journey towards normal. I will never arrive there, but it's a nice illusion.

For an adrenaline jolt, coffee and Red Bull can't hold a candle to the sound of a bawling calf and a herd of cattle crashing through the brush in the dark. I'd just stepped out the door to pen the chickens for the night when the cry of a calf riveted me to the forest. It was not a mournful, "Where's my momma" cry but a panicked "It's got me!" bawl which was accompanied by brush and small trees snapping as adult cows bellowed and barreled toward the calf.

Abandoning the chickens, I hitched up my sagging jeans and raced to the gate toward the cries in the woods. This was the point where once again, I regret my fashion decisions. Just because pants are on sale at a ridiculously low price doesn't mean you should buy them if they are too big. Maybe I thought they'd shrink, or, since normally faced with stacks and stacks of jeans meant to fit only the bodies of prepubescent girls, perhaps I was merely drunk on the illusion that I may find jeans that fit a middle aged woman. As it was, I came home with pants that were a size, or two, too big.

Since a good part of my police career was spent chasing young men in saggy pants, I must say that after running through the dark toward a crying cow with jeans sliding down my ass, I have a greater respect for drug dealers that can scale the fences between apartment complexes and still keep their pants above their ankles.

I made it through the gate and paused to hitch up my britches again. With a rescue battalion of tanks and bulldozers that were mother cows stampeding in my direction, it didn't take long to re-think the wisdom of becoming collateral damage under the onslaught of panicked cattle. I had no idea what had the calf, but it was quickly barreling in my direction and bringing a herd of cows with it.

They reached the clearing behind the barnyard just as I was slipping back through the gate.  The cattle circled and stomped and I could barely make out a yellow calf thrashing on the ground in the center of milling cows by the fence.  In a desperate hope that whatever had the calf was more frightened of humans than enraged mother cows, I shouted into the night.

"HEY! HEY! HEY!"

I mean, really, what does one yell at a creature that isn't afraid of a herd of enraged cows?

Clearly my saggy pants and I needed reinforcements, so adopting the ghetto gait of the Troop Of Saggy Pants Soldiers, I managed to juggle a flashlight, a gun, and my beltloop to do a rolling lope back to the house.

Other Half was just sliding his masterpiece of shrimp kabobs into an opened oven when I burst through the door. He dashed outside as I grabbed a better flashlight. I joined him to find confused cattle still milling around the clearing, so we flashlighted the area in a search for mangled predators.

A rat ran. A bunny bounded off. One of the barn cats meowed back at me. The yellow calf blinked into the beam of my flashlight.

Nothing.

There was nothing to justify a full-scale City-Wide-Assist-The-Officer Cow. Since everyone was calm, I went through the fence and poked around the dark with the cattle. That's when I saw the red thing.

A thing.

A red thing.

What the hell was that? I flashlighted the thing and Other Half erupted into cursing normally reserved for goat adventures.

The red thing was the base of a mineral feeder.

It would appear that Yellow Calf must have gotten the base hung around her head, resulting in a wild dash through the forest in a vain attempt to outrun this thing that had her. Since the mineral feeder was a long way from the house, this was quite a jaunt. I'm not sure if she got it off when she hit the fence at the house, or if one of the other cows somehow managed to stomp it off of her. Regardless, the calf was okay and except for some dents, the mineral feeder was fine.

Since she is a heifer we plan to keep, I may name the calf "Steering Wheel" because she ran through the woods with a red steering wheel on her head.  Nevertheless, I cannot poke fun at her since she did a better job running that distance with a giant wheel on her head than I did loping across the barnyard in pants falling down my butt. Hopefully the calf will learn not to stick her head in strange things and I'll learn to wear a belt.

Several of you have asked about updates on Luna, the Moon Possum. I try to keep the Failte Gate Farm/Red Feather Ranch Facebook page updated with videos but I realize that many of you don't do Facebook so I'll give you an update here.

Like the rest of the dogs in the pack, Luna has a nickname that has evolved into her fulltime name. She became MoonPossum.

 Possum fits into the large pack quite well. We rarely go anywhere without a dog, or two, or three, in tow, so it's easy enough to take her with us when we leave the house, thus she gets a lot of socialization outside the home.

Things of note: Possum is a very happy-go-lucky creature who is unfazed by the sights and sounds that would rattle many pups - beeee-cuzzzzzzzzz - pause - SHE CAN'T SEE AND HEAR THEM!

That makes for happy walks in downtown Fort Worth, with traffic, railroad tracks, and sirens blaring, but on the other hand, it really makes you ever vigilant about her safety because she cannot hear the dangers around her.

Possum's day starts right after dawn before the sun is up and bright. She helps hinders with the chores and plays while I feed small livestock and horses. Then we go for a walk in the pasture where she piddles and plays and stays with big friends so she doesn't become a meal for a day-ranging coyote.  (yes, we have those here)

She comes in and helps me milk goats. The goats tolerate her pretty well. Possum loves fresh goat milk!

All the dogs like her, but Mesa is her BFF (Best Friend Forever) and constant babysitter when Mesa is not working. Mesa Moo provides companionship without the doting indulgence she may get from the adult dogs. If she steps out of line, Mesa nails her as if she could hear and see just like everyone else.  She cuts Possum no slack. Since our goal is to have Possum grow up as close to normal as possible, I think this is a good thing.

We make some adaptations for her disabilities. She has her goggles for bright sunlight. (HUGE thanks to Kathy for sending her some more pairs for her to grow into!) MoonPossum also wears a bell that helps us track her when she's not in sight. We bought an electronic collar that has a vibration mode on it. The shock mode will be disabled so there is no chance she'll get a shock. In essence the collar will serve as a pager to let her know we're trying to get her attention.

We are also getting lots of help on Facebook from the pages of "Keller The Double Merle" and "Braille The Double Merle" that help give us ideas and put us in touch with other dog handlers who have dogs like Luna, the MoonPossum.

Luna continues to introduce us to many new people, and we're appalled to learn how many pups like Luna are euthanized because of their disabilities. While I wouldn't knowingly breed for it, there is no reason why a puppy like Luna cannot live a wonderful life in the right home. The resources are out there and available to new owners, like us, to help you  with these pups. We don't find Luna to be more work than a 'normal' pup, she is just different.  She is an X puppy!

To learn more about these dogs visit Keller and Braille the Double Merles on Facebook and also check out the Pawsavers rescue. They're having a fundraiser right now where they're selling the cutest shirts! Go check them out at:

https://www.booster.com/pawsavers

"Oh my gosh! What kind of dog is that?! I want one!!"

With doggles or without, the reaction is the same, and we soon end up having a talk with total strangers about breeding merle dogs. I've learned a lot about the subject in the past week, and met many new people because of it. Ordinarily I wouldn't think Luna's color was such a big deal, but she has created so much interest everywhere she goes that I figured we may as well wade into the subject here.

Until we got Little Luna, I never gave it much thought. For the many years that I trained and trialed dogs, I often came across merle colored dogs and always found them to be lovely creatures. But as with breeding paint horses, I know that breeding these striking animals always comes with a risk of health problems.

In the very short time we've had Luna, my eyes have been opened to the realities of these risks and although I am just beginning to scratch the surface on the subject myself, because I see the public's response to this cute pup, I feel compelled to let Luna be an ambassador on the subject so that we can nip some things in the bud.

So let's start with the basics. Many breeds have merle colored dogs, and as a general rule, you shouldn't breed a merle dog to another merle dog because you have the chance that 1 in 4 of the resulting pups could be deaf and/or partially blind like Luna.

So why do people do it?

I honestly believe that a lot of people don't realize the risk. It's here where some folks start foaming at the mouth and viciously attack breeders who produce double merle pups. Folks, this doesn't help either. It blames and alienates people. I've spent my entire adult life training dogs and although I've never produced a litter myself, with that much time spent rubbing shoulders in the dog world, I can give you a few generalities about dog people.

Working Dog breeders look down on Show Dog breeders and they both look down on Backyard Breeders. Rescue people look down on all breeders because they're the ones in the trenches dealing with the heartache of someone else's decision to breed two dogs. And puppies from ANY of these breeders can end up in a rescue situation.

It is very easy for everyone to look down on the Backyard Breeder who doesn't show, work, or do health checks on their dogs, but since I've spent so much time in the show dog/sport dog world, I've seen the other side of the coin too, and my measuring stick for judgement is the answer to this question:

How many puppies are produced and how responsible is that breeder for his pups after they are born?

Yes, many breeders of all kinds produce litter after litter with no thought to the welfare of the pups once money has exchanged hands. On the other hand, some breeders are responsible for their puppies from birth to grave. Those are the ones I consider to be responsible breeders.

So let's get back to merles.

We've had Luna for exactly one week now, and in that time I've met every example of the above breeders and rescuers of Australian Shepherds.

Luna came from Backyard Breeders who mistakenly bred two merle dogs and then made every effort to find responsible, loving homes for those pups. Since Luna is a pup, like any other puppy, she needs plenty of time socializing in public, and I have to say I'm stunned by the way she attracts attention. (Not always in a good way.) We've met a lot of new people because of her. We met one lady just walking through a horse show  who immediately came over and identified herself as an Aussie breeder. She knew exactly what Luna was and explained that she had made the same mistake herself years ago. She placed those pups in homes and stopped breeding those particular parent dogs.  We later ran across another  woman who told us she'd bred Aussies for over 20 years and  just euthanized all the white pups like Luna.

Really?! Holy crap! Since 1 in 4 can be born like Luna, that's a lot of dead puppies. We were appalled.

It's a puppy, not a product.

So I ask you, who is the more responsible breeder? The breeder who lacks education, makes a mistake, but finds homes for their pups, or the breeder who produces a lot of dogs, and just euthanizes the handicapped ones? Many folks unwittingly make the mistake of breeding two beautiful dogs, unaware of the possible results,  but others do it on purpose despite knowing the risk.

Why would anyone knowingly breed dogs that could produce deaf or blind pups?

Well, after living with Luna for a week, I'll tell you why.

The public likes flashy, loud-colored dogs, and they flock to these white blue-eyed puppies.

I've socialized a lot of pups in public and I can tell you that I have never, NEVER, had a pup generate the kind of buzz that Luna creates.  People are simply blown away by her exotic appearance. (Okay, I think she's cute too, but she also looks kinda like a white possum and thus her nickname is 'Possum.")

Because of all this attention, we are caught between trying to warn people not to breed two merles and at the same time show people that despite being partially deaf and particularly sensitive to bright light, Luna lives a very happy life and is not some accident of nature that demands pity. As far as Luna is concerned, she is just like everyone else in this family, except shorter.

After all this research, would we still bring Luna into our home?

Absolutely.

She is a delight to live with, and she will ultimately make us better dog trainers as we attempt to make her life as normal as possible.  For all practical purposes Luna is a normal puppy.

Inside the house, and on cloudy days, she can see just fine. In bright light Luna wears sunglasses because her eyes are very sensitive. She can hear really loud sounds, like dogs barking or banging pans, but for the most part, appears to be deaf to sounds within the normal range. To compensate for that, we are all learning hand signals. Each morning Luna, Lily, and Mesa line up and we learn basic puppy commands in sign language. (Just wanna point out that Luna is progressing faster than the Border Collies. . . ) I think it will take longer to train the humans than the deaf dog.

Our decision to bring Luna home was in no way affected by whether or not she would prove to have serious vision or hearing problems, and it makes me uncomfortable for people to praise us as saints. We're not. We're just dog people who can make a little more room for another crate and another food bowl. True saints are the folks who rescue dogs in danger. We don't consider Luna to be a 'rescue.' She's not. At no point was Luna ever in any danger. She came from a loving home and she came to a loving home.

Yes, she has some things that make her different from other puppies, but we prefer not to think of her as handicapped. She is more like one of the mutants in X Men. Luna is not handicapped, she is just unique,

and never for one moment do we regret bringing her into our home.

It started with a phone call. His brother from another mother. Could we possibly take on another one? My initial reaction was absolutely not. Of course not. Not one more dog. I reminded Other Half that since she was a double merle, she could also be a special needs dog. But what better environment for a pup that may have vision and hearing problems than a multi-dog home in the middle of nowhere with two dog handlers? Touche

And so this happy little ball of fluff came to our home.

I did a lot of research on white Australian Shepherds to better understand her and get tips on raising a dog that may have hearing or vision problems. She squints in bright sunlight so we bought her some doggles. She can hear other dogs barking but has problems hearing things in the normal range. Because she came from a household with experienced dog people, she is very well socialized and is a highly intelligent, very friendly, playful, and for all appearances, normal puppy. She isn't shy or reactive at all. In fact, the world is her cupcake.

Welcome to the pack, Little Luna.

Lest I give anyone the impression that raising Livestock Guardian Dogs is easy, and that your big white dog which keeps sneaking out is somehow inferior in some way to my teenagers, who in print appear perfect in every way, let me reassure you. The raccoons around here can probably cuss like sailors courtesy of my example each time those two disappear.

The trick is that they CAN NOT BE LOOSE TOGETHER. They can't.  It's as simple as that. Independently they will lie around like responsible livestock dogs. Together, they are frat boys on spring break. We are blessed to be in the middle of nowhere, so when two large white dogs the size of calves go on walkabout, it is highly unlikely they will be hit by a car. On the other hand, they could be killed by hogs, bitten by poisonous snakes, or shot by hunters. AND - if they are running amok, they are not protecting the effing sheep!

Of late we have settled into a routine with Judge on Dayshift, while Jury is locked in the barn, and Jury loose at night while Judge is locked with the goats. Briar may either be with Judge or Jury. This has been working really well - until Thursday night.

Thursday we left to deliver several baby goats. Because the babies were in the back of the truck screaming, and we didn't want Judge to follow us down the road, we locked him in the barn with Jury. Together. Where they could plot. We returned far later than planned and it was already very dark with a bright moon in the sky. I was physically and emotionally exhausted and all I really wanted to do was go to bed. That's normally when things happen. I was not to be disappointed.

I opened the barn aisle gate and the boys bounded off into the night with a jubilant jog. I called them back to sort them for their shifts. Their jog accelerated into a flat-out gallop into the night. By the time I screamed at them, they had reached warp speed. There was a sonic boom as they broke the sound barrier when they discovered Other Half had left the gate open between the barnyard and the big pasture when he was planting wheat earlier.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to cuss. I wanted to throw things. Two giant dogs can cover a lot of territory on those long legs and they clearly had no intention of coming back on their own. There are rules I accept out here. You cannot catch a large animal running through thick brush if it doesn't want to be caught. I leaped onto a 4wheeler to take a pass through the pasture in hopes they would decide to lope back and follow me. Nope. Nothing. Nada. There was absolutely no sound but crickets and owls. They were so far away I couldn't even hear their bells jingling. At this point I felt like Merle Haggard's mother.

If you were not raised in rural America in the 1960's perhaps you've never heard the song "Momma Tried" in which a young man laments about how his mother tried to steer him straight despite his wandering ways. This chorus kept running through my head as I cussed in the moonlight:

I turned twenty-one in prison doing life without parole.
 No-one could steer me right but Mama tried, Mama tried,
 Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied.
 That leaves only me to blame 'cause Mama tried.

Yes, I was Merle Haggard's mother in the moonlight, but I refused to drive around in the dark, calling for dogs that would ignore me. I refused to sit up and worry about them. This was Darwinism at work, I ranted. I provide a safe home, meals, and medical care. If you are too stupid to accept that, then let Natural Selection sort it out. And with that, I went to bed. Yes, I was a tad angry.

And perhaps a bit harsh.

I woke up around 2:30 am and peeked out the window. They had returned sometime earlier and were both safely in the barnyard with the sheep. I have no idea if they ran 30 minutes or 3 hours. I went back to bed. At 6:30 am they were both still in the barnyard with the sheep. When the sun came up they were both still home. Apparently God and Darwin smiled on Big White Puppies that night.

We have returned to our routine and I'm even more cautious about letting them out together, especially on the weekends when they may encounter hunters. Briar lies around the barnyard watching these shenanigans with amusement. At their age, on this property, she would have been exactly the same way, but she's older, wiser, and slower now. She still enjoys the occasional off-property romp, but she doesn't go far, and she comes when called. When she was their age, I had a property small enough to employ electricity.

It's important to keep all this in mind if you choose a Livestock Guardian Dog breed. Do not hold my poster boys up as the epitome of perfection. They roam. All Livestock Guardian Dog breeds roam. Keep that in mind if you live in the city. These are not good city dogs because they WILL make a jail break from time to time. Out here, they 'might' run into trouble, but if you live in the city, trouble, in the form of a fast-moving Chevy, is right at the next intersection. If you live in the country and have a small place where you can fence with electricity, you're in luck. But if you have a large property, with varied terrain that makes it impossible to keep them from pushing up a fence 'somewhere' along the perimeter, until they mature, get ready to play an on-going chess game with teenagers, and stand in the moonlight with Merle Haggard's mother.

You can listen to the song from the link below:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/mama-tried-lyrics-merle-haggard.html

The first thing I remember knowing,
 Was a lonesome whistle blowing,
 And a young un's dream of growing up to ride,
 On a freight train leaving town,
 Not knowing where I'm bound,
 No-one could change my mind but Mama tried.
 One and only rebel child,
 From a family, meek and mild,
 My Mama seemed to know what lay in store.
 Despite all my Sunday learning,
 Towards the bad, I kept a turning.
 'Til Mama couldn't hold me anymore.
And I turned twenty-one in prison doing life without parole.
 No-one could steer me right but Mama tried, Mama tried.
 Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied.
 That leaves only me to blame 'cause Mama tried.

Dear old Daddy, rest his soul,
 Left my Mom a heavy load,
 She tried so very hard to fill his shoes.
 Working hours without rest,
 Wanted me to have the best.
 She tried to raise me right but I refused.

I turned twenty-one in prison doing life without parole.
 No-one could steer me right but Mama tried, Mama tried,
 Mama tried to raise me better, but her pleading, I denied.
 That leaves only me to blame 'cause Mama tried.

https://youtu.be/0GYfjMMHEY0

Read more: Merle Haggard - Mama Tried Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Tending sheep outside the confines of good fencing requires some basic tools. Because our property is more than a bit untamed, it really isn't set up for sheep and goats who could be picked off in broad daylight without the dogs. The barnyard pasture is more of a 'sacrifice' area where the small stock can graze and browse in relative safety, but there isn't a lot of nutrition there. They can graze in the large pasture below the house without being monitored, because it's close enough that help is just a rifle away, but everywhere else they must be taken out with dogs and tended closely.

Tending keeps them within the somewhat loose confines of outer fencing and it keeps them out of the sticker burrs, which I will unfortunately already be picking out of some churro lambs.

(No, Halloween has not come early. She is really not black and orange. The red dirt around here turns all my white animals orange or pink.  Thankfully it washes out easily.)

So back to tending:

The basic idea is to roll out with the necessary tools needed to move sheep and goats safely.

Here is a list of tools needed on my belt:

The dogs understand their jobs. The Border Collies have the perimeters tattooed on the foreheads and thus any sheep straying outside the imaginary line is dealt with accordingly. The Livestock Guardian Dogs take this time to poke around the pastures and leave pee-mail for the rival gang of coyotes. Then they scratch out a hole in the shade and watch sheep with the rest of us.

If our browsing takes us close to a pond, everyone goes skinny dipping, except me and The Supervisor. I'm not a big fan of wading through cactus and copperheads in bare feet to swim in muddy water, and she doesn't feel she can let her hair down and play in the water when there is the chance that a single sheep may randomly walk across the arbitrary line she has assigned.  Ah well, we all have a cross to bear.

Others are not so encumbered by the weight of responsibility.

This can be a quiet time to enjoy coffee, a book, and peaceful meditation.

Or it can be a time of great cussing where curses are hurled at sheep who don't care,  Border Collies learn new adjectives,

and Livestock Guardian Dogs don't care one way or the other.

Regardless, the nuts and bolts of tending sheep come down to the dogs, and the generations of breeding that has gone into making them the willing partners of man that they are today.

If you mixed a runway supermodel with a toddler you'd have a dairy goat. If you don't believe it, you've never tried to feed one.

My dairy goats are given a high quality sweet feed, sunflower seeds, cotton seed meal, calf manna, and alfalfa. The goal is to get as many calories as possible into them because milk production takes so much out. Life would be just grand if they'd happily eat everything they are served, but that is not the case. Goats are picky and their tastes change as often as a man with the television remote control. Sheep, on the other hand, eat what is served and gain weight on a diet that would make a dairy goat look like a prisoner of war.

Since we have sheep and goats it is necessary to separate them at meal time. Not only do the sheep not need all those calories, there is too much copper in goat food for sheep, so if the goats are getting a special goat chow, it's imperative that food be completely consumed before sheep have access to the area.

This is what feeding at our house is like:

Pull wagon to hay barn and load with alfalfa. Sheep and goats stagger out of their slumber and began screaming and dragging little tin cups across the prison bars to loudly announce to every coyote in the county that they are awake and are hungry. Drag wagon filled with alfalfa across yard and dump little piles into outside feeders. Release sheep only.

Sheep gallop like thoroughbreds bursting through the gates. There will always be one or two goats with them. These goats will run up to the alfalfa, stand over it in disgust, and demand to be returned to the pen. Every day. Same two stupid goats.

The rest of the goats will wait expectantly near their stall in the pen. I walk through barn and attempt to open sliding door. Cannot open door because goats are hanging on it. Goats knock door off runners. Cuss goats. Cuss door. Use Border Collie to push goats off door. Goats run to their feeders and climb inside. Dump feeders to clear them of any goats or debris. Go back outside and get hay. Goats mug wagon and climb on top.  Toss alfafa into first feeder. Almost fall as goats rush like waves crashing on the beach. They shove each other out of feeder. Toss exact same hay into second feeder. All goats leave first feeder to rush at second feeder like a Black Friday Wal-Mart opening. Toss hay into third feeder. Black Friday shoppers abandon first two stores and race to third store. They climb in feeders and flip them. Ut oh! Hay has now touched dirt. It is no longer good. It is soiled and as such, cannot pass goat supermodel pouty lips.

They run to the next feeder and flip their neighbor's hay onto the ground. Oh, my bad. Looks like neighbor now has soiled hay too. While they are busy ruining $23 per bale alfalfa, I begin to dish out grain mix. This is an electronics sale on Black Friday.

A prison riot food fight breaks out. After the dust settles, the goats decide that this week they do not eat Brand X of sweet feed, but prefer Brand Y which they refused to eat last week because Brand X cost more money. They did not like Brand Y until they saw the sheep eating it, and now it is their favorite and they hate Brand X. But they only want the top 1/3 of the bag, after that it is tainted and cannot be eaten. It must therefore be replaced with Brand Z which costs enough to put a child through college. Brand Z is their new favorite. Buy several bags of Brand Z because they seem to like it. Wrong! They only like the first bag. The next bag is unacceptable.

Leave them with food for two hours. During that time the milkers are pulled out and given the same food in a bucket on the milking stand. There is a fight at the door every time a milker is pulled out. The food in the milk stand bucket must be far superior to the food in the troughs. Because, well, it's in a bucket, and everyone knows that food in a bucket tastes better than food in a trough.

Once done milking Goat #1, take the bucket out of the milking stand and place it on pavement in barn aisle. Pull out next milker and put her on the stand. Goat #1 leaves her bucket to mug the bucket on the stand belonging to Goat #2. Milk Goat #2 while Goat #1 attempts to steal grain from Goat #2 even though it IS THE SAME GRAIN!  When finished, take that bucket and place it on the pavement next to Bucket #1 so they can clean up grain. Pull out Goat #3 and put Bucket #3 on the milking stand. Goat #1 and Goat #2 leave Bucket #2 and attempt to eat out of Bucket #3 while Goat #3 is being milked. Same feed. Different buckets.  Repeat this a 4th time with next goat.

Now this begs the obvious question: "Why don't you just kick Goat #1 back in with everyone else when you pull out Goat #2?"
 

Folks, trying to drag one goat back into a pen when ten more are trying to get out of that same pen is the very definition of insanity. The best I can do is kick her out of the barn with the sheep. By leaving her inside the barn aisle while I milk, I am able to monitor exactly how much food she eats. She will also eat more food if she is fighting with her neighbor. This boggles my mind, but is the very reason why shoppers line up for hours outside Wal-Mart for a Black Friday sale. The merchandise isn't as important as the thrill of the game.

Nevertheless, I'm seriously considering going back to the old method of tying all the milkers up against the wall where they have to wait until their turn. I'm not sure which is less stressful on me. Watching them duke it out, or listening to them scream when they're tied to the wall.

After everyone has been milked and most of the goats have announced that Brands X, Y, and Z are no longer acceptable and the next time you're at the feed store, you need to buy Brand Q, with the crimped oats, not the whole oats, and they want chicken soup with stars and the crust cut off their toasted cheese sandwich.

The goats will then wander out to the pasture to eat poison ivy and mesquite trees.

The bucks will be turned into the same pen and they will conduct clean-up duties. Hours later the sheep and dairy goat girls will be returned to that same pen. The dairy goat girls will then fight with the sheep for whatever food the bucks left, forgetting this is the same grain and alfalfa that they wouldn't eat eight hours earlier. If the sheep want it, it must be special. And never forget, if you are feeding goats, every day is Black Friday and you are the Wal-Mart greeter.